Finding Balance in our Relationships
Leading Thoughts #80
Question of the Week:
Do you have healthy boundaries in your relationships?
I screwed up.
I signed up for a two-week course. Unintentionally followed by another two-day course. Plus, an additional night filling my role in a local professional organization.
9 events in two weeks. (Plus, running a mile every day and twice-a-week strength training.)
Tiffany —rightfully— was not happy.
I tend to go overboard with commitments, but this was the most glaring example of an ongoing struggle since Cadence was born.
How do we balance the load?
We’re not counting points, but does there need to be some type of scorecard?
Our latest attempt is tracking our non-workhour commitments on a paper calendar. It's color-coded: her, me, and us. Simple.
The calendar provides transparency and awareness which has been a positive for both of us. For me, it’s an extra step before I overcommit myself, especially after seeing all the blue on the calendar for May. For Tiffany, it seems like it’s incentivized her to more intentionally claim time for herself, and, honestly, I’m grateful for the clarity of expectations as opposed to my default state of guilt.
Redefining boundaries seems like a good place to start rebalancing our relationship post-baby.
How do you find balance in your relationship?
Thoughts Worth Exploring:
1. This tweet really hit me this week:
Which cycle are you in?
2. If we’re trying to learn, we need to consider the information we’re consuming. There are three uses of information.
Useful for day to day life or decision making
Useful for gossip or signaling (this is the most insidious)
Your time and attention are extremely scarce, and if you aren’t ruthless about what you spend them on, they will be wasted. You can’t try to care about everything everyone cares about because then you’ll spend all day absorbing and regurgitating the trivia of the day. You have to triage. And that often means not caring about or not being informed about things other people think are really important.
3. One simple fix: less news. (chart from Nat Eliason)
Photo of the Week:
Spotted on a routine neighborhood run. Hopefully, mama found him, but I wasn't sticking around to find out. I’m trying to stay on mama’s good side!